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Empty Room

All alone in this empty room..
I lie down to my bed and stare at the ceiling
With my mind floating around.
Thoughts and questions were pouring out
as the rain began to fall.
Tears fall so fast. I can’t stop it..
“Is it acceptable for me to have a happy life?”
I turn side to side to my bed.. without knowing
what to do..
I opened my window..
I stared outside just to see
people.. having the best day they have..
“Those words…”
which I cannot forgive and forget..
“Why won’t anyone come and comfort me?”
No one can.. I’m all alone.. Even him..
“Does he understand?”
He doesn’t.. ‘Coz he doesn’t know what your life is..
The cycle of ups and downs like rollercoasters in a wonderful park
I lie there.. staring at my cellphone..
waiting for a message.. A message..
with a more soothing words..
I always thought that I’m already happy but
the thruth is, still inside this body and heart..
“A scar…” yes, a scar..
that won’t heal anymore..
“Cry..” “Tears..” yes, cry cry cry..
That’s all I can do, right?
But isn’t it so harsh.. No matter how long I cry,
how I cried so much
for someone.. help me.
No one comes to comfort me..
Don’t they realize..
I smile.. like nothing happened..
I just don’t want them to worry about me..
“Do they even worry about me?”
Inside of me..
wanted to shout out loud.
“Can’t you notice!? Please? Just please.. Can someone comfort me?
don’t want to be..
Crying for help is not gonna work..
“I know..”
I wish..
I wish I were on an accident,
I want to be in a hospital where it’s too quite..
My mind went blank..
Then a question pops out
“What is true happiness?
Is it.. when you have a lot of money?
When you can buy all the things you wanted?”
It’s not the right answer..
“Then, what is it?”
Don’t ask me.. I don’t know..
“But.. they love money?”
I don’t care..
Money is just the root of evil.
That’s why..
they became like that..
“Go away!”
“Hurt.. It.. hurts..”
“I’m such an idiot..”
Yes you are..
“Thank you..”
Only I know your true self..
I am you..
“You are me..”
Hey, me..
Do you think.. writing..
calms you?..
“Yeah, I think so..
even if it’s for a short time..
It’s great,
I can write all I wanted in just a piece of paper..”
Can papers wipe tears?..
“Of course it can..”
‘Grr.. Brrr.. Boom!’
Such a heavy rain, huh?
“I love rain..”
“ the same time..”
Hey, why do I like rain?
“It’s cold..
Noisy and heavy raindrops”
“No one..”
..can hear..
Scream out loud with all your might..
Let it wash away by the rain.
Get ready.
Get a pillow..
Put it in your face,
hug it tightly.
And at the same time.
Scream it all out with the rain and thunder..
No one.. can hear you..
After all that..
“Let me go..”
go to sleep..
No one comes to rescue you..
“Just let me sleep…” this empty room.



If you were a devil and I were an angel.. I'd be willing to tear my wings off and jump off from the clouds above just to be with you eternally.


July 2019
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